every statesman who attains to power to
repudiate all the acts and obligations of his
predecessors. With respect to old Slyboutski, as
the banker disrespectfully styles the ambassador,
he used to be a smuggler, and dare not go home
for fear of being caught by the Russians and
hanged for an act of piracy; but he made such
a good business of it, that he can always afford
to buy up a few notes of hand of the influential
men of any new government, and so he is allowed
to stay on here. "Still," urges the contractor,
"twice two are four. Whatever government is
in or out, I must be paid. My profits are
secured partly by tonnage dues on shipping,
which I shall collect myself, partly on the
Custom House, and partly guaranteed by three-
fourths of the amount required already funded."
"Profits?" repeats the banker, with a sly note
of interrogation curled up on his face. So at
the close of the interview, Mr. Contractor finds
that he will have to unlock some of his capital
at a heavy loss, or perhaps to give a mortgage
on his Clapham freehold with its new
hothouses, stabling, and appurtenances, which
he has reared with so much care and cost. All
this, however, occasions delay, and as the
caution-money had not been deposited upon the day
required, a rumour has been industriously
circulated that Mr. Contractor is bankrupt; which
brings down some rather heavy demands upon
him from unexpected quarters, and complicates
his affairs not a little. Tracing this mischievous
scandal to its source after it has nearly ruined
him, he finds that it has been set on foot by an
envious native gentleman, who is determined
henceforth to devote his whole energies to
avenging the disappointment he has experienced
in not getting the contract himself. As this
native gentlemen is very ably supported by
other native gentlemen, he will have to be
bought off before worse comes of it.
This is only the beginning of the difficulties
which pursue the enterprise commenced in the
brave belief that two and two make four.
Although the prices named in the contract by the
Doomanian government are undoubtedly large,
and, as far as the multiplication-table goes, it
may be clearly demonstrated that they must
yield an immense profit, there are drawbacks.
The prices are nearly twice as large as could
be obtained for similar work from any public
body or government department in England.
But Doomania has neither materials nor
workmen to use them; so that both will
have to be exported from England; and
this brings rather a novel element into the
business. It will be necessary to buy, or to
charter a fleet of steam-ships,; and on the
whole it is cheaper to buy than to charter for a
lengthened period. This diminishes the
prospective profits in a very startling and
unexpected manner. Then arise difficulties with the
Doomanian Admiralty as to whether vessels
under foreign flag can trade upon the Doomanian
coast; and the Native Admiralty, with all
its secretaries and clerks, have to be bought off
before this difficulty can be settled. Meantime,
half the workmen who are hired have got
frightened at some reports of cholera and
revolution in Doomania, and steadily refuse to
proceed thither without double wages and a life-
insurance. Moreover, the year having closed
without the stipulated annual quantity of
work being complete, Mr. Contractor has
incurred a heavy fine, which can only be compromised
by wholesale bribery to one-fourth of the
amount, exclusive of several sub-contractors,
who claim compensation for the inevitable
breach of their engagements brought about by
the difficulties raised at the Admiralty. This
same thing happens every succeeding year.
Every government department invents some
ingenious pretext to share in the British
contractor's plunder.
The Native Admiralty continue to make
themselves expensively felt whenever the steam fleet
comes to grief. But the military authorities are
in no respect behind them. First they come with
offers of labour by troops, which it is as
dangerous to accept as to refuse. In either case,
there is certain to be a row. Some fellows in
uniform coats are sure to complain that they
have been thumped or kicked, and the works
must be stopped till they are satisfied, or till
the enterprising Englishman or his representatives
and their whole company have been tried
for the offence of assault and battery. This
gives the native judges and legal gentlemen
an opportunity to get their fingers in the
pie, and the native ministers must be also
favourably impressed, by pecuniary means, to
grant a favourable decision in appeal cases.
There is another notable fact. The
contractor was always so firmly persuaded that
twice two always made four, that he counted
confidently that twice two men could do
the work of four men,; and, how much
four men ought to do in a given time he
supposed he knew beyond all manner of doubt.
But he omitted from his calculations the very
noteworthy difference between British islanders
and the inhabitants of other countries. He
has since discovered that none of the foreigners
in his employment can be induced to work
more than one day in three; the other two
being spent between religious ceremonies and
getting tipsy. Of fasts, feasts, saints' days, and
tipsy days there is no end; and even when the
foreign workmen are fairly at work, a dozen of
them together are not worth one steady Englishman,
and they can never be relied upon at a pinch
at all. Sometimes they all strike work and go off
together when most wanted, because they have
seen some British heathen frying a pork-chop
in Lent. Any attempt to bring them back again
is met by the local priesthood with ecclesiastical
censure. These are all venerable persons, with
dirty beards and dirtier long cloth bed-gowns,
whom it is extremely imprudent to offend, and
who can only be kept quiet by liberal peace-offerings
in coin.
A hundred times over Mr. Contractor
wishes the Doomanian Principalities and all
connected with them at the bottom of the sea;
but by this time he has sunk so much money
that he is tied hand and foot, and bound to pass
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