I was only too glad to be out of hearing of
the quarrels in which he constantly engaged
with his servants and dependants. One
evening the old woman said to me. 'Baba
(child), order a Nautch this evening, and
let me, in your name, invite the Sahib to
witness it.' I had never seen an Englishman
—an European—except at a distance.
The idea of being in a room with one
inspired me with terror. I had been taught
to despise the Kafir, whom my father said
he was compelled to serve. I objected; but
the old woman's eloquence again prevailed.

The night came; I was seated on my
fureesh, (carpet) just as I am now, and dressed
in clothes of the gayest description. I was
like a little queen, and felt as proud as was
Noor Jehan. I was then very handsome.
If I had not been, much trouble would
have been spared: and my flesh was firm
—not as it is now. At about ten o'clock
the Sahib made his appearance. When he
came into the room I was ready to faint
with alarm, and, turning my head away, I
clung to the old woman and trembled from
head to foot. 'Dhuro mut, (do not fear),' said
the Sahib; and then he reproved, but in a
gentle voice, the Nautch girls who were
laughing loudly at me. The old woman, too,
bade me banish my fears. After a while, I
ventured to steal a look at the Sahib; and
again averted my face, and clung to the old
woman. The Sahib, after remaining a brief
while, during which he praised my beauty,
retired, and I was once more happy. 'There,'
said the old woman, when he was gone; 'you
see the Sahib is not a wild beast out of the
jungles, but as gentle as one of your own
doves.'

"On the following day I heard the Sahib talking
in the next room; I peeped through the
keyhole of the door, and saw him seated at a
table. The nazir (head clerk) was standing
beside him, reading. There was a man in
chains surrounded by burkandâzes (guards) at
the other end of the room, and a woman was
there giving her evidence. The Court-house
was undergoing some repairs, and the Sahib
was carrying on his magisterial duties in his
dining-room. The man in chains began to
speak, and deny his guilt. The Sahib called
out 'Choop! (Silence!)' in a voice so loud
that I involuntarily started back and
shuddered. The prisoner again addressed the Sahib,
and one of the burkandâzes  dealt him a severe
blow on the head, accompanied by the words,
'Suer! Chor!' (Pig! Thief!)' The case
was deferred until the following day, and the
court closed at about four o'clock in the
afternoon, when the Sahib again paid me a
visit.

"I was now afraid to show my fears, lest
the Sahib should order me to be killed; and
I therefore put on a cheerful countenance,
while my heart was quivering in my breast.
The Sahib spoke to me very kindly, and I
began to dread him less.

"In this way I spent a fortnight; and, at
the end of that time, I ventured to talk to the
Sahib as though I were his equal. It afforded
me great amusement to watch the
administration of justice through the keyhole;
and, young as I was, I imbibed a desire to
have a share in the arbitrary power which
was daily exercised.

"One day, when the Sahib came into my
room, I began to talk to him about a case of
which he had just disposed. He laughed, and
listened to my views with great patience. I
told him that the evidence upon which the
prisoner had been convicted was false from
beginning to end. He promised me that he
would reverse the sentence of imprisonment;
and, in the ecstacy of my joy at finding that I
really had some power, I was intoxicated and
unconscious of what I was doing. I suffered
the Sahib's lips to touch mine. No sooner
had I done so than I felt a degraded outcast,
and I cried more bitterly than I have words
to describe. The Sahib consoled me and said
that his God and his Prophet should be mine;
and that in this world and the next our
destinies should be the same.

"From that day I was a wife unto him.
I ruled his household, and I shared his
pleasures and his sorrows. He was in debt;
but, by reducing his expenses, I soon freed
him; for his pay was fifteen hundred rupees
a month. I suffered no one to rob him, and
caused the old woman, who was a great thief
and cheat, to be turned away. I loved him
with all my soul. I would rather have begged
with him than have shared the throne
of Ackbar Shah. When he was tired, I
lulled him to sleep: when he was ill, I nursed
him: when he was angry, I soon restored
him to good-humour; and, when I saw him
about to be deceived by his subordinates, I
put him on his guard. That he loved me I
never had any reason to doubt. He gave me
his confidence, and I never abused his trust.

"Who was the man?" I inquired; for I
was in doubt, although I suspected.

"Be patient, Sahib," she replied, and
then resumed. "At the end of two years I
became a mother."

Here she gave vent to another flood of
tears.

"The Sahib was pleased. The child seemed
to bind us more closely together. I loved
the child; I believe it was because it bore
such a strong likeness to its father. When
the Sahib was away from me, on duty in the
district, he seemed still by my side, when I
looked at the boy; who was as white as you
are."

"Is the child dead?" I asked.

"Be patient, Sahib. When you passed
through Deobund, and stayed in the tent with
your friend, my child was two years old. I
was the mistress of that encampment at
Deobund, and the wine you drank was given
out with this hand."

"How little do men know of each other!"