(however unintentional) of the reverend
gentleman's proposition to be as gigantic as
its injustice. It is a striking illustration
of the purblind, one-sided, left-handed,
monomaniacal vice of the time, which,
deferring to the pests of society would make
England, for its toiling and much-enduring
honest masses, one vast Penitentiary.
Of what entertainment, of what
knowledge, of what artificial relief that this
earth can afford them, may the people out of
Newgate not be deprived by a parity of
reasoning ? All traces of Mr. LAYARD'S
discoveries must be instantly put out of the
way. They shew the Ordinary's precious
charges how to bind people's hands behind
their backs, and how to lop off people's heads.
Peter's part in the New Testament must be
sealed up, or we shall have a policeman's ear
cut off. Romeo and Juliet must be
interdicted, in remembrance of Mr. Palmer's
having purchased poison, and lest Mr. Sloggins
should think of administering a sleeping-
draught. The publication of King Lear
must be stopped by the Attorney-General, or
a fiendish way of plotting against his brother
will inevitably be put into young Mr.
Sloggins's head. Tolerate Hamlet again, on any
stage, and you shall hear from the Ordinary
of there being somebody "in trouble," on
suspicion of having poured poison into the
ear of a near relation. The Merchant of
Venice must be got with all dispatch into the
State Gazette, or, so sure as you are born,
Mr. Sloggins will have a pound of flesh from
you as you go home one night. Prohibit
Paradise Lost without a moment's loss of time,
or Mr. Sloggins will get all the arguments of
the Evil One into his head, and will
misquote them against the Ordinary himself
before he is a Sessions older. BURNS must
not be heard; HOGARTH must not be seen.
Sloggins never had a holiday that he did not
misuse; therefore let no man have a holiday
any more. Sloggins would raise a Devil
out of any Art or Grace in life; therefore
hamstring all the Arts and Graces, and
lock the cripples up. Yet, even when you
have done all this, and have cast the Thug
figures into impenetrable obscurity, so
ingenious is Mr. Sloggins and such a knack of
distorting the purest models has that exacting
gentleman, that who shall ensure the Ordinary,
after all, against Mr. Sloggins's
declaring, one fine First of April, that "he bin
and got the idea o' garrotin' ", from a certain
lawful procession at eight o'clock in the morning,
in which the Ordinary himself formed a
conspicuous figure!

Among the commodities in store for All
Fools' Day, we find a large quantity of
expectations. It is expected to be known, then, by
whose authority comfortable little arrangements
are made for the absence of the Police
when the worst characters in London come
together to describe the Police as their
natural and implacable enemies—which, it is
to be hoped, they will long remain. It is
expected to be known, then (and that through
the agency of some Member of Parliament),
whether the managing Police Commissioner
takes the responsibility of this very dangerous
proceeding, or whether the Home Secretary
takes it; and whether the responsibility of
either functionary is a sufficient justification of
it. On the same occasion it is expected that
Somebody (official) will rise in both houses of
Parliament, with a plain speech to this
effect: "We hear, my lords and gentlemen, a
great deal said about youthful profligacy and
corruption, in search of which we are
perpetually poking our heads into Singing Rooms
and Acting Rooms, and where not, and
worrying mankind grey with the shying and
backing and jibbing of a variety of hobbies;
but, at any rate, we may all know, through
the evidence of our own ears, that one of
the most prolific sources of that profligacy
and corruption is always rife and unchecked
in our streets: where more abominable
language is currently and openly used
chiefly by young boys and young men
than in all the rest of Europe. Now, my
lords and gentlemen, we have the remedy for
this, ready made, in the last Police Bill,
where the use of bad language, in any public
place, is made an offence punishable by fine or
imprisonment. And, to begin plainly, at the
beginning, without any prancing of hobbies
in circles, we have just come to the conclusion
that this law shall not be suffered to remain
a Dead Letter, but shall, on special instruction,
be enforced by the Police; and so, with
GOD'S help and yours, we will, at least, shut
one of the stable-doors, standing wide open
in our full view, before the steed is stolen."*
On the same occasion, the same Somebody
(still speaking officially) is expected to
announce, within the compass of half-an-hour
by the clock, that he holds in his hand a Bill
for the taking into custody by the strong arm,
of every neglected or abandoned child of
either sex, found in the streets of any town
in this kingdom; for the training and education
of that child, in honest knowledge and
honest labor; for the heavy punishment of
the parents if they can by any means be
found; for making it compulsory on them to
contribute to the costs and charges of the
rearing of those children out of their earnings,
no matter what; but, for their summary and
final deprivation of all rights, as parents,
over the young creatures they would have
driven to perdition; and for the transfer
of those rights to the State. It is expected
that the Preamble of such Bill will set forth
that the human heart can no longer bear the
affecting spectacle of beautiful childhood

* The writer has himself obtained a conviction by a
police magistrate, under this Act, for this shameful
and demoralising offence— which is as common and as
public as the mud in the streets. He obtained it with
difficulty, the charge not being within the experience of
any one concerned; but, he insisted on the law, and it
was clear (wonderful to relate!), and was enforced.