the United States? The picture is a strange
one, it is als very amusing. Let us afford
English ladies a list of what they must not
do, whenever they happen to visit the United
States, according to the authoress of the
Behaviour Book.

They must not say: them there, I hadn't
ought, pint for point, jint for joint, creatur
for creature, nor great big for large. It
sometimes happens that a lady puts on her
collar unevenly. Well, on such distressing
occasions, she is strongly recommended not
to remark that it is put on drunk. A lady
should never be floored, nor brought to the
scratch. She should never ask an authoress
how much she gets per page; nor pit her
against a rival authoress; nor exclaim on
seeing her confused table, you look quite
littery; nor write authoress under her name
when addressing a letter to her.

There are, however, more solemn occasions
for the use of the Behaviour Book. Decorum
in church, it will be agreed on all hands, is
most desirable. Need we then apologise
while, quoting from the American handbook,
we bid English ladies, when they are
on the other side of the Atlantic, not to
"walk boldly up the middle aisle, to one of the
best pews near the pulpit, and pertinaciously
stand there, looking steadfastly at its righttul
occupants, till one of them quits his own seat
and gives it to her, getting another for himself
where he can?" But if this proceeding
have irresistible attractions for them, let
them, at all events, when they have obtained
seats, refrain from laughing or talking to
their beaux above a whisper, or writing and
passing about little notes. And then, when
church is over and they are walking home
through the streets, let them not call to a
friend on the opposite side. If somebody fall
down before them, let them remember that it
is decidedly more feminine to utter an
involuntary scream than to laugh.

They are perhaps going to pay a morning
visit. On this occasion also, they will
find the Behaviour Book a welcome friend.
It will teach them not to stay with friends
without an invitation; nor to question the
servants about the family. On the other
hand, hosts should not allow their children
to ask visitors for money; nor have the hall
lights put out, nor the furniture covered
before the guests are gone; nor eat too fast;
they should, on the contrary, either check
the rapidity of their jaws, or eat a little more
to keep the guest in countenance. There are
times, indeed, when people decline to entertain
visitors at all. These occasions appear
in all families. They are unpleasant, but
unavoidable. A visitor drops in at the
family dinner hour. Perhaps the viands are
not sufficiently choice for his palate; perhaps
the family wishes to be alone. Still, pray
don't treat the unconscious intruder rudely.
Don't slip out of the parlour one by one at a
time, and steal away into the eating-room,
to avoid inviting the visitor! Just consider
the look of the thing. The truth is always
suspected! Then, again, will not the rattle
of china, and the pervading fumes of hot cake
betray the dreadful secret? It is well to
know all this; for, these warnings kept back,
how many distinguished strangers might
stumble on the very threshold of American
society!

It is always well to start properly; and,
armed with a Behaviour Book, any English
lady may confidently enter the train at Euston
Square that is to bear her to a Transatlantic
ship; for there are directions how to behave,
even at sea. For instance, ladies are strongly
recommended to wash the face daily. This
direction proves the comprehensive treatment
manners have received across the broad
waters. Who otherwise would have thought
of washing the face, every day, without
missing even Sunday?

Arrived at an American hotel, let English
ladies be very cautious, lest they disgust their
fair Yankee sisters. We exhort them, taught
by the Behaviour Book, not to push hard for
a place near the head of the table; to keep
their elbows off the cloth; to be neither loud
nor boisterous in their mirth; to call a siesta
a siesta, and not a snooze; to refrain from
helping themselves with their own knives
and forks, even to butter or salt. These
restrictions are painful, it must be owned; but
it is the duty—the first duty—of travellers to
conform to the best manners of the people
among whom they find themselves. It is hard
not to wear palpably false diamonds; it is a
bore when one cannot be conspicuously noisy
at a public table. But, can human nature
stand that rigidity of conduct which declines
joggings, nudgings, pinchings, sleeve-pullings,
and other attentions of equal delicacy among
ladies and gentlemen, and which absolutely
forbids them when the eye of the jogger is
fixed upon the object of the jog. Society
must be painfully straight-laced where these
harmless elegancies are forbidden. But these
are not the only obstacles in the path of a
lady's happiness in the United States. She
may neither gnaw, or knaw (as the Behaviour
Book has it), bones, nor, as a compromise,
suck them in public. Even the harmless
amusement of holding their forks bolt
upright, while carrying on a discussion, is denied
to the sex. But when this severity reaches the
climax of forbidding ladies the satisfaction
of picking their teeth, and lapping up their
soup without the artificial aid of a spoon, it
is time to protest against a primness worthy
of the age of the Fourteenth Louis.

We have, however, presented to the ladies of
England only the dark side of the picture. Let
us now inform them, as a set-off to the above
horrible restrictions on their enjoyment, that
they may accept all kinds of presents from
gentlemen. American ladies, it would appear, take
advantage, with great success, of this permission
—levying, with determined words, all